We’ve all been there! Having a crush on a coworker can make work fun, but also awkward.
It’s SO MUCH FUN having a crush! It’s easier going to work every day because you look forward to seeing them. You can’t wait to talk to them, be near them, and just admire them.
But, having a crush at work can be SUPER AWKWARD if you’re unsure whether they like you or not.. You don’t want to cross the line and make it too obvious you like them, because if it turns out they don’t like you back, you’ll have to see them every day. And who wants to face rejection?
I’ve had my fair share of work crushes. One lasted for over a year (!), and the others were shorter term.
Buckle up for story time, or scroll down for the nine signs!
You’re probably wondering why one of my work crushes lasted over a year.. Well, he was just always nice to me, and I mistook that for the potential that he might like me back. I felt an electricity near him and assumed he felt it, too. There were times I tried being flirty and gave subtle hints I liked him, but they were never reciprocated. I thought he either was trying to be professional (while hiding his feelings) or I just needed to give it time for him to realize his true feelings for me. So much time passed that I eventually got over him. When reflecting on my interactions with him, I came to terms that he never actually liked me romantically; he was just nice. That was it.
The reason I felt motivated to write this post isn’t because of that long-term crush. It’s actually because last weekend I finally met a coworker I had a small crush on! We had never met before, as he was a newer employee from a different office and we hadn’t crossed paths yet workwise. Ever since he joined the company, I was keeping an eye on him from afar. I thought he was super cute, and I liked his vibe. I was convinced we would hit it off. Last weekend, my company had a big work event, so I was excited to meet him. When our eyes first met, I got butterflies. Then, I had the courage to walk over to him. He introduced himself, and I introduced myself. And that was it !! Literally! He then excused himself because he had something else to do. I just told myself that we just needed another opportunity to talk for sparks to fly. The next night, I walked by him and we said a simple “hi” to each other. I told myself I wouldn’t approach him because I didn’t want to seem desperate. I saw him a few times throughout that night and there was ample opportunity for him to approach me and strike up a conversation, but it didn’t happen. It wasn’t until the next morning when I was reflecting on our interactions that I realized he didn’t like me back. If a guy likes a woman, he will pursue her. Not only did he not approach me, but he pretty much avoided me. Throughout the night, there were a couple of guys who I could tell had feelings for me, so it was just interesting for me to reflect on all of this. And of course, most of the time, the guy I want is the guy I can’t have. Sigh.
Anyways, I just felt compelled to share my learnings. If you have a work crush, these signs will give you some helpful hints to uncover his true feelings.
Here are 9 signs your work crush might like you back:
Sign #1: You catch him looking at you often
A guy will frequently look at the girl he likes. He will try to do it secretly to avoid her noticing, but chances are, she’ll catch him staring! (And he’ll either smile or quickly look away, depending on his personality and confidence.)
Think about how you act when you have a crush. When he’s within view, what are you looking at? Of course it’s him! You’re observing him. Admiring his beauty. Trying to learn more about him and hoping to gather any evidence he might like you back. Guys will do the same with girls they like!
Sign #2: When you talk to him or get near him, he won’t seem like his normal self
Depending on the guy, he will either get flustered and quiet, or he will get over-confident and showoff-y. If you’ve known your crush for a while, then you probably know what his normal personality is and how he normally acts around others. If he has a crush on you, he will get weird when you’re around him! You’ll just know something’s off. This is because he’s overthinking how he acts around you. Trying to impress you.
Chances are, you do the same thing! How do you act around male coworkers you don’t have feelings for? Compare that to how you act around your crush. At least for me, I always feel like I say the wrong thing and come across as super awkward around my crushes. It kills me that I struggle to be myself around them!
Sign #3: When you talk with him, he will ask questions about your life and will seem engaged
This one can be hard to decipher because most coworkers should genuinely want to know about your life and ask you questions, as they see you every day and are trying to build a connection with you.
If a guy likes you, he will want to know more about you than the average person does. He’s going to want to know every detail about your life. He’s not going to ask “Hey, how was your weekend?” and then walk away; he will go deeper. He’ll naturally be invested when you have conversations with him.
I’m reflecting again on my [former] work crush that I finally met last weekend. He literally introduced himself and that was it. He didn’t say anything else to me or ask me anything. Perhaps he has a girlfriend or he just really wanted to make it clear he wasn’t interested. Either way, I got the hint. I know that if a guy has a crush on me, he will be asking me questions and he won’t leave our conversation quickly. Also, shouldn’t I want to be with someone who wants to connect with me and learn about my life?
Sign #4: He’ll remember details about your life
If he likes you, he will remember close to everything you tell him about your life. For example, maybe on Friday you briefly told him you were celebrating your grandmother’s birthday over the weekend. On Monday, the first thing he asks will be “How was your grandmother’s birthday party?” Or if you told him your dog was sick, a few days later, he might ask how your dog is doing. Stuff like that. It’s just a little more effort than the average male coworker will put into conversations with you.
Unfortunately, we usually aren’t actively listening during most of our daily conversations. But when we’re talking to our crush, we are absolutely intently listening!
For that guy I had a crush on for over a year.. I vividly remember a conversation with him. We were talking about colleges and he asked “Where did you go to college, again?” We talked about it before, so it hurt so badly when he didn’t remember!
Sign #5: You’ll notice he’s frequently near you
How close he is will depend on his level of confidence, but if a guy likes you, he will definitely be within your view. He wants to be near you!
Throughout my career, I’ve had hunches that several guys had crushes on me. At larger work functions, they just appear out of nowhere and strike up a conversation. Someone that doesn’t have a crush on you won’t do that! They’ll be busy hanging out with other people.
With this guy I recently had a crush on: I tried several times to get in his vicinity so he would notice me. On the last night, I was near him to give him the opportunity to talk to me, but he didn’t approach me. By the end of the night, I gave up and decided to do my own thing. Guess what, he was nowhere in sight!
If he doesn’t like you, there’s a big chance you won’t see him unless you make the effort to be near him.
Sign #6: He’ll either ask for your personal number or he will magically already have it
If he likes you, he will want to have your phone number! Mainly so he can chat and connect with you outside of work. If he asks for your number or if he texts you and tells you someone else gave him your number, he probably likes you. If a guy doesn’t like you, he wouldn’t want to text you outside of work hours.
(If you’re on the same team or if he would naturally receive your number anyways, this sign isn’t a strong one for you.. Sorry!)
Sign #7: He will add you on social media
If he adds you on social media, that’s a pretty good sign he likes you. Guys don’t typically add girls on social media unless they’re good friends already. If he adds you and you’re more on the acquaintance side, it’s very likely he has a crush on you. Not only did he find your account, but he made the bold move of adding you!
Sign #8: He compliments you on your appearance
I can’t think of a reason why a straight guy would give a compliment to a girl he doesn’t have a crush on. It’s too flirty and bold.
I’ve had male coworkers tell me “You look really nice”, “I love your outfit”, and “I really like your necklace”. All scenarios made me strongly believe they had a crush on me, and I was probably right.
Just a note: Receiving a compliment on a work-related achievement is different. Male coworkers are likely to give kudos for a job well done with no underlying flirtatious meaning.
Sign #9: He’ll touch you
I’ve heard this before and didn’t truly believe it.. Until it happened to me!
At different moments in my career, there have been a few guys I’ve liked but didn’t see a future with. In those moments, it was fun being flirty because I knew they liked me back. I was just having fun with it and living in the moment. (I know.. I shouldn’t have done that..) But, I remember so vividly that these guys touched me when we were flirting. One of the guys quickly touched my back when we were getting through a group of people. And another guy brushed my arm with his hand when we were walking somewhere.
It’s definitely a way for a guy to test the waters to see how you react. This is a FOR SURE sign he likes you. A guy who doesn’t like you would never touch you (on purpose)!!
My new rule of thumb is: If you don’t think he likes you back, you’re probably right.
I’ve found that my gut instinct is usually correct, but I try to fight it because the truth hurts.
The nine signs above can help paint a clearer picture. If his actions align with at least one of the signs and you’re still unsure, try to give it more time to really feel it out. At least for me, I never wanted to tell my work crushes I liked them. The risk seemed too high, especially since I plan on staying at my company for a long time. My method was always to wait it out, get to know him better, invite him to pursue me, and see what happens. And usually the feelings faded after I realized it was one-sided. But maybe you’ll get lucky!
If you’re feeling bold, you can ask him to hang out after work or simply just tell him how you feel. Or you could ask a coworker to ask him for you.
And if you’re thinking he might not like you, you never know what could happen in the future. Maybe his feelings will develop! But you can’t wait for that day to come.
Life is too short to waste it crushing on men who don’t like you back. There are plenty of amazing men out there, some whom you’ve written off for silly reasons or some whom you haven’t met yet. You deserve someone who will give you their full attention and treat you like a queen!
Good luck!
Much light and love! XOXO!
Photo by Keila Hötzel on Unsplash
