Love can be confusing. One moment you’re head over heels, the next moment you get “the ick”. It can come out of nowhere! Maybe it’s something he said or something he did, but for some reason, you were turned off.
Please don’t ignore it when you get this feeling! It’s your body trying to tell you something about your incompatibility.
In this blog post, I explore reasons why you may be tempted to stick around and reasons why you should move on. Plus, I share my personal experience with this at the end.
First, what’s an ick?
Literally anything that turns you off. (Usually from an in-person interaction, not via texting.)
It may be his smell, his mannerisms, how he treats the waiter, something he says, his laugh, the way he walks. Or most commonly, it’s a negative gut reaction you feel when he breaks the physical barrier, like holding hands, a hug, a kiss, an embrace.
It’s a deep down instinctual feeling that something isn’t right.
I’ve experienced icks with a handful of guys. Most times, I would tell myself I was overreacting and I should give him another chance.. but I should’ve urged myself to move on immediately.
Here’s why you may be tempted to stick around:
You believe your feelings will grow over time
I’ve always heard stories of couples who didn’t “click” at first but their relationship grew over time. I used to be inspired by stories like this, but I’m honestly thinking this is rare. And even if they didn’t get along at first, I’m guessing most of them never experienced an ick when they started to develop feelings and pursue a relationship.
You want to give him another chance
You might think you’re being overly judgemental and want to give him a better chance, as maybe you’ll feel differently on the second date. In my experience, gut feelings aren’t wrong. You should have no hesitations after a first date on whether you like him or not. Feelings should gradually grow, not decline.
You like the attention he gives you
It can be easy to get caught up in the early moments of a relationship, especially if he’s showering you with attention and you enjoy it.
You don’t want to hurt his feelings
If you sense that he really likes you, you may be more likely to ignore your icks and stick it out.
You think you won’t find someone else and would rather be with him than be lonely
Dating is hard! Online dating is even harder! It sometimes feels impossible to find someone else you like, who also likes you back.
You have a lot in common, so it might seem like you’re meant to be
On paper everything is perfect and you might have solid conversations with him, but after some icks, he starts to feel like a friend, not a potential life partner. To me, it’s not worth dating someone you aren’t physically attracted to. It’s not good to talk yourself into him even if you have a lot in common. There will be other guys you’ll have stuff in common with, with physical attraction.
Truth is, you should move on! From my experience, icks don’t go away and they’re absolutely a deep sign he’s not the one for you.
Here’s why you should move on:
It’s unfair to him
Why should you stick around with “meh” feelings when he could be dating someone who’s fully enamored with him? If you don’t move on, you’re preventing him from having the relationship of his dreams. You could fake it for a while, but what’s the point? He’ll find out eventually when you start declining physical advances or show minimal interest.
Imagine a lifetime of not being attracted to him
Why settle for a mediocre relationship? You deserve the best – someone you’re fully compatible with and attracted to! If you decide to keep dating this guy, you’ll be missing out on the type of relationship you could have with someone else.
There’s so many fish in the sea
I used to hate this saying, but it’s true. If you’re hesitating and feeling an ick, there’s absolutely someone who’s better for you. He’s probably right around the corner!
Biology doesn’t lie
You have to trust your natural instincts. It’s not you being picky, mean, or judgemental. It’s you trying to find your best mate.
Have high standards for yourself
Close your eyes and envision your dream guy. (Either forget about this guy you’re dating or imagine how you want to feel around him.) Chances are, you’re envisioning something you don’t currently have! Keep striving for your dream. It will happen! Just don’t give up!
I’ve gotten the ick with multiple guys before. Here’s a glimpse into one experience in particular:
Last year, I had a great first date with a guy. We started the date by getting drinks at an outdoor patio. We totally hit it off and chatted for a couple hours. We wanted to continue the date, so we went to a restaurant for dinner. I was feeling it and was definitely attracted to him! I had no icks or red flags. I had butterflies and was excited!
Then, a flood of icks came rushing in! After dinner, we strolled outside and held hands. The moment he held my hand, something felt off. It’s so hard to explain, but our hands just felt weird together. It also felt like he was dragging me along (walking at different paces) and it didn’t feel romantic. I didn’t like it! While we were walking, I was also getting annoyed with his laugh! It made me feel like I was on a date with a child, not a man. I was like, hmm.. I’m probably overreacting and just getting overwhelmed [because I had been single for so long]. Then we sat on a bench. It was an extremely romantic setting, as we were right by the water and it was a warm summer night. During our conversation, he made an immature comment about something. Once again, I felt an ick. Then we kissed and at one point he kissed my nose. Mega ick!
When I got home that night, I was in a huge debate with myself! I felt like I should give him another chance, but I wasn’t overly excited about seeing him again. We had a lot in common and conversation flowed easily, but the icks so strongly tainted my feelings for him. I kept telling myself “He’s a nice guy! You should give him another chance! Maybe you’ll feel differently when you see him again!” So, I talked myself into going on another date with him. Funny enough, he ended up ghosting me right before the second date, and I was so relieved and happy about it! (Which made me realize I should have never agreed to a second date!)
Overall, it was a big lesson to trust my instincts and have high standards for myself. I shouldn’t be settling. I deserve to have the man of my dreams!
If you experienced the ick recently, I hope this helps you on your journey to find love. Good luck, babe!
Much light and love! XOXO!
Photo by Moose Photos on Pexels
