If you haven’t had your first kiss yet, please try not to worry. (I know, easier said than done…)
It may seem like you’re the only one, but you’re absolutely not. Your time will come, even though it seems like it never will. If anything, you should feel proud you’re waiting until you’re ready and/or find the right person.
I was 23 when I had my first kiss. Yup, I went through all my high school and college years without kissing anyone. Every year that passed, I felt more of an outcast, a weirdo, and unworthy of love. Just this deep feeling like something was wrong with me.
I didn’t want to tell anyone because it seemed embarrassing. I felt wayyy too old to have never kissed someone. From watching classmates kiss at their high school lockers to watching strangers make out at college parties, it seemed like I was the only one who hadn’t done it.
It wasn’t until I started my dating journey (over a year after graduating college) when I finally had my first kiss. It was with a guy I really liked and it was special. I’m so glad I waited for the right moment instead of rushing to kiss someone I didn’t like just to “get it over with.”
Reasons why it took so long for me to have my first kiss:
(Maybe you can relate to some of these!)
I didn’t want to kiss someone I didn’t like
I wanted it to have meaning.
I remember my high school friend had her first kiss with a guy she didn’t like. It was at a high school dance and it seemed like her only intention was to check off her “first kiss” box. The guy liked her, but she didn’t like him back. It was a quick peck and she hated it. I thought it was dumb and pointless. (And hurtful to the guy!)
In college, I went to a frat party with a friend and we joined in on the dancing in the basement. Some guy came over and started dancing with me, and I went along with it, just for fun. (Although, it was more like grinding vs. dancing.. Ick.) At one point, he tried to kiss me and I rejected it. It seemed gross to kiss someone I didn’t even know.
I was never the type of person to get a rush at the idea of kissing a stranger or someone I didn’t like.
I was insecure for a while
For years, I thought I wasn’t attractive enough for a boyfriend. My lack of confidence plagued me. I struggled talking to guys I liked and being myself around them. I either: got super shy and didn’t approach them, or I tried to flirt but got super weird, trying to impress them in ways that weren’t authentic.
I also compared myself to other girls and put myself down all the time. Looking back, I was so mean to myself.
I could have absolutely had a boyfriend when I was younger if I had a little more confidence. There was nothing “wrong” with me, like I had thought.
I was extremely picky about the guys I let into my life
Throughout my life, I’ve had guys try to pursue me, but I turned down almost all of them because I didn’t like them enough. I always wanted to date with intentionality and because of that, I was super picky about men. I was never the type to just date someone for fun to see what happens. Go with the flow is not me. My goal of dating is to find someone to marry.
But, being picky had a price. It meant I had to wait for the right guy to come around.
I had a couple “almost boyfriends”. There was someone in college and there was someone early in my post-college dating journey. They both really liked me and wanted to kiss me, but I dismissed it both times because I just didn’t like them enough.
I view a kiss as an intimate act of love
It seemed so intimate to kiss someone else, and I still feel that way.
Your lips are one of the most sensitive parts of your body because they have so many nerve endings. Just graze your fingers over your lips. It’ll feel very sensitive and almost ticklish. Also, when you kiss someone, you sometimes end up swapping saliva. That just seems so personal and something you shouldn’t just do with anyone.
Some people actually wait until their wedding day to kiss their spouse for the first time. It may seem extreme, but I understand why.
Last year, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. The date was good, not great. He was cute, but we didn’t have much in common and I felt like we wouldn’t be compatible long-term. We walked out of the restaurant and after we said our goodbyes, he gave me a quick kiss. (Note: This wasn’t my first kiss.) It felt very invasive to me. I know it was harmless, but since my feelings weren’t there, it felt like an act I wasn’t ready for.
The longer I waited, the more I wanted it to be special and worthwhile
I wasn’t just going to give up and kiss someone just to get it over with. I needed it to have meaning and be worth the wait. I could have easily thrown in the towel and let a guy kiss me, but it just seemed like a bad idea.
I’m a big hopeless romantic, so I always envisioned my first kiss and how special it would be.
So.. what was my first kiss like? Was it worth the wait?
Although, I practically felt like an old maid by the time it happened.. I’m so glad I waited!
My first kiss was at the end of a first date with someone I met online. Our date had lasted almost four hours. We had great chemistry and covered lots of ground with our conversations. I felt safe around him and was incredibly attracted to him. It was getting late, so we decided to end the date. He walked me back to my car and the kiss just happened.
I will admit…. I kind of hated it. It felt so foreign to me! I didn’t really know what to do with my lips, our positioning felt somewhat uncomfortable (our noses were pressing into each other’s cheek, likely because he was so tall), and our lips were making gross noises! I remember thinking “Eew!” and “This is what I waited for?”
I dated him for a bit and it wasn’t until our third or fourth kiss when I started to really get the hang of kissing and enjoy it. So yes, it got much better.
You might be thinking “Don’t you wish you got your first kiss over with and kissed other guys so that you actually enjoyed your initial kiss with this guy?”, and my answer is no. Even though I didn’t really enjoy my first kiss, I still have fond memories of it. It was cute and special. It had meaning. It sent an electric wave throughout my body, making me feel alive.
I should have known it was going to be an odd experience. Think of a time when you tried a new hobby or activity. You likely weren’t that great at the beginning, and you probably analyzed your experience after. My first kiss was just like that. I shouldn’t have expected it to be perfect/like the movies.
Also, it wasn’t until I kissed a couple more guys that I realized how drastically different kissing can be with different people. That’s a story for another time!
So if you haven’t been kissed yet, don’t worry.
You likely know why you haven’t been kissed yet, maybe some of your reasoning aligns with mine. Whatever the case may be, just know you’re not behind. You’re on your own timeline. And that timeline is perfect for you! When it happens, you’ll smile and realize everything happens for a reason. And maybe you’ll even enjoy your first kiss, unlike me.
Much light and love! XOXO!
