I often told myself “This is the year I will get a boyfriend”. For years, I had love-related ambitions on my New Year’s resolutions list. Most commonly it was “Get a boyfriend” or “Find love.”
Especially when I got older, I was so sure it would happen. When I put myself out there on dating apps, I thought I would easily get a boyfriend. I thought I was “ready” for a relationship.
It’s been over five years since I periodically started using dating apps, and I’m still single. I’ve talked to countless guys and been on many dates. Only a few were promising, but nothing lasted. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t even well prepared for a relationship, and it simply hasn’t been my timing yet.
Recently, I decided to take a break from dating to focus on my life and myself. It’s been over two months in my “season of singleness”, and I now have so much peace. (If you’ve been questioning whether to do the same, here’s my blog post with 11 questions to consider.)
This year, I didn’t add “Get a boyfriend” to my list of resolutions. And if I were to go back in time, I would tell myself to never add that to my list.
Of course I still want a boyfriend, but it’s not the top priority in my life. It’s not plaguing me every day, like it used to.
It will happen when it’s going to happen. I don’t worry anymore. I now have this deep understanding that my life is complete without a boyfriend. I am happy with the life I have right now. I am making the most of this season, as I know I am being prepared for what’s to come. I’m focusing on my own journey and the things I can control. I hope you consider doing the same, especially if you’ve always desperately wanted a boyfriend like I did.
So, what should be on your New Year’s resolutions list instead? Here are some ideas to consider:
Rediscover who you are
Often, we can morph into those around us or try to be someone else to impress a guy. Most times, this happens without realizing it. Who are you? Do you even know? I suggest taking time this year to figure out what makes you “you”, without considering anyone else. What hair style and clothing make you most confident? What music do you listen to when nobody is around? (Same for tv shows, movies, books) What do you genuinely enjoy doing in your free time? You may need to isolate yourself for a bit to relearn who you are, but I promise it’s worth it to live a genuine life.
Start and maintain healthy habits
What are your health goals? Don’t just tell yourself you’ll workout more or that you’ll start eating healthy. Make an actionable plan so you’ll actually achieve your goals. How many times a week will you commit to going to the gym? Will you commit to meal prepping and going to the grocery store every Sunday? Even consider taking it a step further by downloading a habit tracking app or simply creating your own tracker on a piece of paper. Use tools that will help reinforce your habits, especially on the days you don’t feel like it.
Focus on self-care
In addition to eating well and exercising consistently, consider your other routines and how you can be a better version of yourself. Do you always get 7-9 hours of sleep? If not, make a promise to yourself that this is the year you’ll start going to bed earlier. How about your skincare routine? Do you treat your skin like it’s precious, or do you fall into habits of sleeping with makeup on or picking at your acne? It’s time to give your body the self-respect it deserves. You can also consider your mental wellbeing. Are you in a good state, or should you take steps to improve?
Pick up a new hobby
Is there something you’ve always wanted to do? Or is there a hobby you just learned about that you’re interested in? Don’t push it off and tell yourself you’re too busy. Make room in your life for it and give it a go!
Deepen your faith
What does your relationship with your religion and God look like? I’ve seen lots of videos recently about being a “lukewarm Christian.” They are always very inspiring and eye opening. If this speaks to you, consider making resolutions to pray daily, read the Bible, go to church more frequently, or whatever you’re called to do.
Spend more time with family and friends
Life is so short. What will you think about on your last day? Likely, you’ll be thinking about those you love. If you live near family and friends, make a resolution to see them X number of times per week or month. And if you don’t live near them, tell yourself you’ll call them a specific number of times.
Achieve your career goals
What are your work-related goals? Consider what actions you need to take to achieve them. Whether it’s working towards a promotion, finding a new job, making a career change, taking a break or starting a business, you can make it happen with well-defined, actionable goals.
Be a better person
Do you gossip, put others or yourself down, tend to be selfish, spend too much money, etc? How could you be a better person? We all have flaws. Take a moment to think about yourself. Then, think about how you want to be. Consider focusing on one area this year.
Limit social media time
This is a big one that I know most of us struggle with. Think about all the time you’re spending on social media in a day or a week. You’ll never get those hours back. You could be doing so much more with your life. One of my resolutions this year is to limit Instagram to 15 minutes per day, and so far, it’s been great.
Do something you’ve always wanted to do
Always talked about going to Paris? Or maybe you want to run a marathon. What are you waiting for? I know money, health and timing can be constraints, but if those areas are compatible with your bucket list item, don’t wait any longer. This can be the year you do it.
Open yourself to love
Maybe you find it scary to download and use dating apps. I know I did. If you’re ready for love, see what you feel called toward. You could try dating apps, or you could promise to leave your home more frequently to potentially have a chance encounter. Go out with friends, join a club, volunteer, work at a coffee shop. If you choose this as a resolution for the year, just make sure you go with the flow and take it easy. Let things happen the way they’re supposed to without dedicating your life to finding your soulmate.
I hope you consider removing “Get a boyfriend” from your resolutions this year and instead, start focusing on you and how you can be better. You only have one life on this earth. Time is precious, so make the most of it. What will make the biggest impact for you this year? You’ve got this!
Happy New Year! I wish you well on your journey.
Much light and love! XOXO!
Photo by Alexa Williams on Unsplash
