I’m gonna admit something I’ve only ever told my mom. Get ready..
Several years ago, I mailed a letter to a guy a few weeks after he ghosted me.
When he stopped texting me, I was in complete shock. I thought I was going to marry him! We had dated for six months and our connection was crazy good! Our personalities, interests, and values felt so compatible.
Even though our relationship wasn’t perfect and he was going through a tough time in his personal life (didn’t like his job, low on money, trauma from a past relationship, etc.), I still felt like he was my future husband. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else!
When he first ghosted me, I gave him space. After three weeks, he still hadn’t messaged me back. It was killing me!
I debated sending him another text message but that felt cheap and inadequate for the love I felt towards him. I wanted to break through so he would truly understand how much I liked him. Mailing him a letter was the perfect idea!
For a few days, I debated whether I wanted to follow through with my idea. Then, I decided to go for it! I was convinced he would reach out if I did it!
The letter I wrote was super meaningful. I told him I’m glad we met and that my feelings for him were strong. I shared all the reasons I liked him, then ended with a note that I hoped to see him soon.
Because I’m so extra, I printed sheet music of a song that reminded me of him and handwrote the letter on the other side of it. I even sprayed the letter with my perfume before sending it!
Also, I didn’t even know his address, so I had to find it online!
Honestly, it’s all pretty cringey. But, when you’re desperately in love, it doesn’t feel weird at all in the moment!
You’re probably wondering what happened: Did he reach out to me? Or if not, did it help to provide me with closure?
The answer is: Neither!
He never reached out!! I’m not going to lie; it hurt a ton! I was expecting success or even just a message back that he wasn’t interested!
Unfortunately, it took me a couple years to fully get over him! The silence after the letter really should have provided me with immediate closure, but I still felt resilient about our relationship! I believed he would rekindle things one day, and I just had to wait it out for him to be ready for a relationship with me. (He previously told me he saw a future with me, but “not right now”.)
Overall, I was glad I sent him the letter because I put my all feelings out there. If I never sent it, I always would have wondered what would have happened.
So, should you send a letter to a guy who ghosts you?
Even though I wasn’t successful, there are definitely some benefits to sending a letter. It’s really up to you and how strongly you feel about this idea. I recommend reviewing these questions to help you make a decision!
5 questions to answer before deciding to mail him a letter:
Question 1: Would you be fine if he didn’t contact you after receiving the letter?
Are you attached to the outcome of the relationship? I’ll admit that I definitely had the wrong outlook. The main reason I sent him a letter is because I thought it would convince him to reach out to me. I wish I had sent the letter with the main objective of telling him how I felt. I should have had no attachments to the outcome I wanted!
I was absolutely idolizing him. I put him on a pedestal. I couldn’t imagine life with anyone else. It was so unhealthy! I should have been open to any outcome that was for my own good. If he didn’t want me, I shouldn’t have wanted him!
If you’re hoping for a specific outcome, I don’t think you should send a letter. We should always be open to God’s will for our lives. How can we know how our story is going to end? God has the perfect future in store for us; we just have to trust in Him.
Question 2: Did you leave anything unsaid?
I was very shy when I was dating this guy. I left so much unsaid, so a letter felt like the perfect choice to lay it all out there! There was no way I could have comfortably sent a long text message with the same content. It would have felt too overwhelming.
If you haven’t shared your heart with him and you feel like he might change his mind if he learns how you feel, it might be worth sending a letter!
Question 3: Have you already sent him multiple text messages?
If you’ve already sent a few texts without any luck, maybe a letter would help break through. It may show him how serious you are, as a letter feels much more meaningful than a text! Also, a letter is more appropriate to write longer, more heartfelt messages that might be unwelcomed or awkward via text.
Question 4: Do you already have his mailing address?
I definitely think it’s creepy to send someone a letter if you don’t have their address, especially if it’s a love interest! Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like it crosses the line! I was so in love that I just desperately needed to reach him.
If you don’t have his address, I would just consider how he might feel once receiving the letter. Are the potential negative feelings worth it? It could be a major turn off for him!
Question 5: Do you need help gaining closure?
Sending a letter (without expecting any outcome) could provide you with a sense of relief. Laying it all on the line is freeing. No matter what happens, you can move on – either with or without him.
A letter could be your “one last try” before moving onto other guys.
I hope these questions are helpful! I wish I stumbled upon a blog post like this before I sent my ex a letter!
No matter what you decide to do, I wish you the best and I know for certain that whatever is meant to happen will happen. You have a beautiful life ahead of you, even if he never contacts you! That just means that someone even better is on the horizon. You should never have to convince someone to date you. You deserve better!
I don’t regret sending him a letter because it was part of my journey and I felt very compelled to share my heart with him. But, I do wish I had more respect for myself and had the ability to see the situation for what it was – without my rose-colored glasses. I should have taken his ghosting as a sign that he wasn’t treating me right and that I needed to move on. If you’re in the same situation I was, I suggest bringing it to God and praying for clarity. (You can also read my blog post about ghosting!)
I wish you well! I’ll pray for you on your love journey!
XOXO!
“The Lord is my strength and shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.” (Psalm 28:7)
Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash
