I’m a world-class creeper. I can find someone on social media in a few minutes; just give me their first name and at least one attribute, then I can probably find them.
I’m sure you’re like this, too! It really isn’t that hard.
In the past, after matching with someone on a dating app, I would immediately start searching for them online. It was part curiosity, but I also wanted to see if we would be a good fit. (Cause it’s common for men to leave their dating app profiles very empty, leaving us wondering who they actually are.)
So, by the time a first date rolled around, I knew every little detail about him, like his last name (maybe even his middle!), his career history, things he’s interested in, and what his family looks like. I would even sometimes uncover super personal things, like his childhood pet’s name, what he looked like at his high school prom.. you get the idea.
Anyone else feeling super icky?! I used to think this was fine, but it’s not good !
This past Lent season, I gave up social media. I deleted it all off my phone. Bye Instagram, bye Facebook, and bye LinkedIn!
Then, a month before Easter (Note: Lent ends on Easter), I decided to put myself out there again on dating apps. And guess what? Since I had no social media apps, I couldn’t creep on anyone! It was a very refreshing experience, and honestly, I don’t think I’ll creep on any guys again, even now that Lent is over.
Now that I have a new perspective on creeping, I was inspired to write this blog post!
Here are all the negative things that happen when you creep on a guy, especially before the first date:
Your knowledge ruins the natural flow of conversation
Instead of naturally asking questions as conversation progresses, you’ll be more inclined to ask about certain things. For example, if you saw they like the same bands and musical artists as you do, you’ll be more likely to ask about that. Or, if you found out they once lived in a different state, you might ask “Have you always lived here?” or “Do you see yourself settling down here?” so you can learn more about why they lived somewhere else and if they have plans on moving back one day.
Your answers to their questions may be impacted, as well. If you saw that they studied abroad in Italy, and they ask you “What’s your top travel destination?”, you may say “I’ve always wanted to go to Italy!”, even if Italy is number three on your list, just because you want something to bond over.
I can think of many times I’ve done this, and it’s not good because the conversation is rigged. It feels phony.
You have to act surprised when they tell you stuff you already know about them
When you already know information about their life that they didn’t share with you yet, you literally have to act natural when you hear it, as if you’re hearing it for the first time. Dating is stressful enough. It’s silly to add this extra layer of stress. Most of us don’t have acting degrees!
It’s awkward for me to think about all the times I pretended to learn something about a guy’s life for the first time. As an example, he’d say “I have two sisters” and I’d have to be like “Oh wow! That’s awesome! Tell me more!” (Even though I already knew he had two sisters, their names, what they look like, etc.) It’s exhausting.
You ruined the element of surprise
It’s so fun getting to know someone! Going into a first date with a bit of a mystery is a good idea, and that’s how it’s supposed to be! You shouldn’t know everything about them. Time and solid conversations will reveal everything you need to know. If you want to know something about them, just ask! No need to creep for hours trying to find the answer.
I’ve now been on three dates with a guy I’ve never creeped on, and each time I saw him, I was like “Ooo, what will I learn about today?” It’s exciting!
You’ll make unfair assumptions about them and their life
Sometimes when I creeped on someone after matching on a dating app, I would immediately get turned off after finding a few things I didn’t like in their online presence. Maybe I came across a picture from a high school party where they looked super drunk. Or maybe I saw they wrote a post disliking something I’m passionate about.
We might have been a good match, but my assumptions may have robbed me of my future with them. Most people change, so it’s not smart to judge someone by stuff they did online years ago. And maybe you’re polar opposites, but you’ll hit it off in person. You never know!
It’s easy to get overly obsessed
Trust me, I’m no stranger to this. If I really liked what I saw when I creeped on a guy, I would start envisioning our future together and get super obsessed. Since I believed we were a perfect match, I put so much pressure on everything going perfectly. I would get so nervous during our first date that I ended up not showing up as my true self. So awful!
It’s best to not get attached, especially before you even meet them in person.
Your researching can easily cross the line
It can go from a harmless LinkedIn search to an invasive, investigative Google search. I’ve literally looked at multiple guys’ houses before on Google Maps.. Yeah, not cool. It’s super creepy! It starts with a simple google search, then it can easily get out of hand.
Please take my advice to heart: It’s best to avoid creeping overall!
If you’re still not bought into this.. think about it from these angles:
- How would he feel if he knew you creeped on him?
- How would you feel if a guy did this to you?
Like I said, I recently got back into the dating scene in the middle of Lent. Soon after rejoining dating apps, I matched with a really great guy on Hinge. We’ve been on three dates now and I still haven’t creeped on him!! If I told my former self about this, I probably wouldn’t believe it!
Here’s why it’s awesome to not creep:
(literally the inverse of the main points above)
- Conversation flows naturally
- Your interactions are always authentic
- It’s exciting to slowly learn about them
- You have no assumptions about their life
- It’s easier to not get obsessed with them
- And overall, you avoid being a creeper!
Now that Lent is over and I could technically creep, I don’t have the desire to! I truly don’t see the value. Maybe if I get to the point where I start getting more serious with a guy, we’d end up following each other on social media. If so, I’d definitely scroll through hisprofile. But, by then, I’d hopefully already know most things about their life, so nothing on their profile should be too shocking.
Do you want an authentic and natural dating experience? Please consider never creeping again!
Much light and love! XOXO!
Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels
